Black Hole #2

#122

When I was in 9th grade, I needed a large sum of money for private purposes. I was too young for any kind of labour, so I recklessly accepted to have sex with a man. He said he would give me the bucks I wanted, but he didn’t keep his word…

It was the darkest day in my life. I lied to my mom and said I was going to school, when in fact I was taken to a motel rather far from my house. He locked me in the room and then his friends came. Two, five… nine of them in total.
They took turns doing dirty things to me. I begged them in tears to stop, from sun up ‘til sun down, but they didn’t. They kept coaxing me, telling me to do it again and then I could have a lot of money. I disgust them. I disgust myself.

When night fell, they finally let go of me. The dough in my hand was only one fifth of what I had asked for. So dog-cheap for  group sex with 3, let alone 9.

It was hurtful and exhausting. My mom  punished me for skipping class. I cried so much my eyes couldn’t open. And I was shaking the whole week after that…

Now I’m in 10th grade. There’s a man who loves me sincerely, appreciates me and is proud of me. I have the looks, some talents and gentle behaviour. I also have a hideous past he’s not aware of…

I do not dare tell this to anyone. It is torturing me. The flashes of those 9 men my father’s age grasping and touching me all over keep coming back at night, and I cry again. I was hoping this confession would calm the chaos within me a little, though I know there too will be people who find me filthy.

My life, my childhood is no longer the same as that of another’s. But this has been too long a confession…Someday I’ll share another confession of when I was a child.

Thank you, Black Hole, for letting me spill this secret out…